🌸 Fill your cup, babe — Radical generosity & the necessary, nice & ideal framework

[0:03] Off the Grid is a podcast for small business owners who want to leave social media without losing all their clients. I'm Amelia Hruby, a writer, speaker and founder of Softer Sounds podcast studio. On this show I share stories strategies and experiments for growing your business with radical generosity and energetic sovereignty.

Download your free leaving social media toolkit at softersounds.studio/byeig and join us as we do it all off the grid.

[0:32] Music.

[0:34] Hello and welcome to episode 5 of Off the Grid, a podcast about leaving social media without losing all your clients or customers.

I'm your host Amelia Hruby. I am a writer, a speaker, and the founder of feminist podcast studio Softer Sounds.

I am so excited to be here for episode 5. We are really rolling through season one at this point. Thanks so much to all of you who've been tuning in to these episodes and sharing them with your friends.

I would love to ask you to keep doing that, keep spreading the word about Off the Grid, and I promise to keep sharing free resources and tools and reflections and suggestions about how you can grow your thriving, feel-good business.

[1:28] As always I want to invite you to reply to these episodes to send me an email at hi@softersounds.studio. Extra shout-out this week to the person who noticed that I have worn different glasses in every episode so far. You know I thought that was just for me but props to you for your attention to detail.

If you listen to this podcast and you're wondering, how does that person know what glasses she's wearing? That's because Off the Grid is also on YouTube!

Yes, we are experimenting with video podcasting here at Softer Sounds and you can watch these episodes on YouTube. Please do watch and share them there if that's your thing. If not you can find us in podcast players everywhere.

[2:13] Before I dive into today's episode I want to remind you that you can get the free Leaving Social Media Toolkit at softersounds.studio/byeig.

So that toolkit includes a lot of the tools and resources I've talked about so far on the podcast. It's got your five step plan for leaving any social platform. It includes the list of 100 ways to share your work in life off social media.

And it has a wonderful database for, creating your creative marketing ideas menu that can be the foundation of that fun, feel good marketing plan I talked about in the last episode.

So get all of that for free at softersounds.studio/byeig . It's there for you. Just drop your email and it’ll land in your inbox automatically as they say.

[3:12] So all of that out of the way —what's today's episode about? Episode 5 is about radical generosity and energetic capacity in our businesses.

So far as I mentioned we've been talking about how to leave social media without losing all of your clients or customers. But in the intro to this podcast I also say we're going to explore how to grow your business with radical generosity and energetic sovereignty.

Yes please. Don't we all want that? Like when I say that out loud it feels so good in my body, and I hope it feels good in yours too.

So on the next episode — looking ahead a little bit — in episode 6 my friend and collaborator Mary Grace Allerdice will be joining us to talk about energetic sovereignty in business. So we will be talking about how to cultivate energetic sovereignty within your business and between yourself and your clients.

That's going to come up next. but in today's episode I want to talk about radical generosity, and I want to offer a way to think about your energetic capacity in your business so that you aren't burning out and overworking all the time or overworking and burning out with time.

[4:23] Now when I talk about overwork and burnout I want to be really clear that those are two things and I am incredibly familiar with. I am a Capricorn rising and Enneagram type 3. I like to say it's like in my DNA —cosmological and biological — that I have so many contracts around work in my life.

Work is a huge part of my life and I have a really high tendency to work to the point of burnout. It's something that I have had to work really hard at to stop doing. I hae to work really hard to stop working really hard.

So today's episode is going to be about radical generosity and business and I want to talk about how we can be filling our own cups as business owners such that we are able to share our work generously like from the root of it like that meaning of radical.

I want to be generous at the root of my business, so I'm going to talk about radical generosity and how that can work today. And then I also want to talk about energetic capacity and a three-part framework that I use at Softer Sounds to help me kind of keep tabs on if I am doing too much or if I am planning to do too much and how I kind of break that down and categorize different tasks in the business to make sure that I'm not exceeding my energetic capacity.

Because when I exceed my energetic capacity, I cannot be radically generous. In fact I just get frustrated, resentful, upset, annoyed and all of those things.

So let's dive in to these really juicy topics in today's episode.

[6:00] Music.

[6:16] When I say radical generosity, I bet you probably feel one of two ways — either really like nourished and nurtured and it's like good or like really exhausted and like no fucking way is that gonna happen for me.

I've been there I've been in both of those places.

When I launched Softer Sounds I decided that radical generosity was going to be one of the core values of this business, and I related that to one of our guiding principles which is audio is for everyone.

So here's how I think it radical generosity in my business.

If audio is for everyone that means that I want the skill of podcasting to be readily available and accessible to anyone who wants to start a podcast. I never want to be a gatekeeper to knowledge or skill development.

[7:04] At Softer Sounds we do not hide the how to of podcasting behind like a pay wall. I will tell anyone and everyone out of podcast like all day long.

I've created and provided so many free resources and I make myself available for free discovery calls and like free opportunities to talk to you about your podcast and share the knowledge that I have so other people can develop their own skills.

I do that all the time and it's something I put a lot of time and energy into in my business. But I have a very clear boundary for myself that if someone wants me to create their podcast with them or for them, that is a service that I charge money for.

So for me the idea that audio is for everyone means that I want the knowledge and the skill development to be readily available and I want to provide that for free.

But I do not do work with or for someone except in a paid service offering way.

Now when I say that I share the knowledge and skill of podcasting freely, I do not mean that I will just do whatever anybody asks me to do if they want free stuff from me.

[8:10] I mean that I've created ways that are in alignment with my energy and what works best for me to share the knowledge and skill development that I can.

So for instance in January I hosted two free how to launch your podcast workshops. Those were totally free opportunities for people to come learn from me how to launch a podcast, and I walked people through the same eight step framework that I teach my paid clients.

[8:36] Now my paid clients get to do it with me and there's a lot more support and there's a lot more accountability. But I was happy to give the framework and the high-level questions of how to do this away for free to workshop attendees.

I also have a free podcast launch checklist and audio workshop on the Softer Sounds website. I have a free resources page on the website that dives into where to find different things for your podcast or equipment or music or other things. All of that information I give away for free.

[9:05] But when someone wants to do the work with me or have me do the work for them, that is a paid service that I offer.

And if someone emails me and is like will you teach me how to podcast for free right now? I would say, No. But I will point you to my free checklist and workshop I've created. And if you stick around long enough I will offer a free workshop again where you can do this with me, when I have the energetic capacity to offer that in a way that feels good.

[9:30] So when I'm talking about energetic capacity and radical generosity I want to share something that I learned from a witch and business owner and artist. Her name is Sarah Faith Gottessdiener. She wrote The Moon Book, and she runs Modern Women Studio. And she has a podcast called Moonbeaming.

And she did an episode last summer called The Abundance Chronicles: why radical generosity is the remedy.

And I will link that episode in the show notes or below, and in that podcast episode she talks about how she orients toward radical generosity in her business. And she said something that really stuck with me. I'm going to paraphrase it I'm not getting it totally right so go listen to the episode I highly recommend it — but I what I took away was that if you don't feel like you can be generous in your business or your life that's a sign that your needs are not being met.

[10:27] Because when you're aligned and in flow you feel generous.

At least hopefully you do. I mean if you're listening to this podcast I bet that when you're aligned and in flow you feel generous. Not everyone does, especially in our capitalist society and with like uber-capitalists running businesses. Those people are not always generous.

But if you're listening to this podcast, if you're on my level, if you're in my community or you want to be — when you're aligned and in flow you probably feel generous and that's because your energetic capacity is in a good place. You have energy to give, because you are receiving it. If you're watching me I'm making these like circles with my hands. For podcast listeners, I'm circling with my hands.

We are in a cycle. Our ecosystem is running smoothly. Everything is being served and serving each other. It's reciprocal. It's mutual The exchange feels good when you're in that place. Radical generosity feels possible and is possible.

It was just such a like mind blowing lesson that I learned from the Moonbeaming podcast and again I highly recommend that episode, The Abundance Chronicles: why radical generosity is the remedy.

[11:37] So when I started talking about radical generosity, I said you probably feel one of two ways — like either like yes I love it I want that and want to do that and be that and receive that, or you might have felt like yeah no way I'm exhausted I'm not giving anything to anyone for free ever ever ever.

And I would encourage you if you really feel like you can never you can't access generosity, if you never want to be generous and you can't provide things or offer things to others — it doesn't have to be free. I'm not saying generosity has to be about things being free. But if you don't feel in that space where you can be in service to others, I would encourage you to dig deeper into the why behind that feeling.

What do you need to have the energetic capacity to be generous? What do you need to do to get yourself into that place or state?

[12:27] You know maybe you are undercharging for all of your offerings and so you're exhausted by your paid clients and you feel like you could not give one more second of or ounce of anything to them or anyone else.

If that's the case it might mean you need to raise your prices so that you have the capacity to even just keep serving your clients in a way that's radically generous.

[12:52] I like to be radically generous with my clients through gifts.

If you sign on as a new client at Softer Sounds, you will get a postcard and a sticker from me. That's one of my acts of radical generosity, and it's not even free. I build it into my pricing you know it all makes sense. But it's a way that I just want people to feel so cared about and cared for in my business. It's a way I'm trying to be generous at the root of it.

[13:16] So I want to clarify that radical generosity does not have to mean doing things for free or giving away free things. But for me it's really about accessibility, and making sure that I'm not gatekeeping knowledge.

I’m always trying to be in a place where I can offer just a little bit more or I can just make people feel a little extra cared for.

Because frankly that's what I want in my relationships — to I want to feel cared for and treasured and loved. And no I don't need every service provider or shopkeep that I buy something from to make me feel treasured and loved, but I am a repeat customer from the ones who do.

So I think that radical generosity is the invitation to get in alignment and flow, so that we can be in service and be giving at the very root of our businesses.

[14:12] Now how do you stay in alignment and in flow? How do you keep your energetic capacity in a balanced and wonderful place? How do you — using the metaphor of filling the cup — how do you keep your cup full so that it can be overflowing and pouring out to others?

One way I do that in my business is using a three-part framework when I'm thinking about a new project or even just looking at my to-do list.

So I'm going to walk you through that next.

[14:48] Music

Hi Off the Grid friends. Amelia here interrupting myself, because I want to share one of my favorite self-care tools that helps get you off social media.

Have you been listening to these episodes and thinking, all of this is great Amelia but how do I actually stop scrolling?

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Let's divest from distraction and reinvest in our self-care, babes. Now we'll get back to this episode of Off the Grid.

[16:22] The three parts of this framework — I call it the necessary, nice and ideal framework and I use this framework to assess any new project that I'm starting. Or when I look at my to-do list at the start of the week and I'm like oh this is long, what am I actually going to get done?

So the first part, the first level of the framework — I kind of think of it as cake tiers — is necessary.

What are the things that have to get done so that I still have a business that supports me? What are the necessary things?

So for me necessary will often mean well I have to do the client work that people have already paid me for. There's like a it's like a minimum threshold in my business I've been paid to do it I have to do that work.

So if I'm looking at my to do list and I'm like I do not have much energy this week, I might just do the things that are necessary. Paid client work that's it this week.

But if I have a little more energy for the week, I'll do all the paid client work and then let's do something that's nice. So maybe I'll do all the paid client work and I'll record some episodes of Off the Grid for all of you. I'll build a free resource or I'll make a draft of a blog post or I'll think about a course I have coming up in a few months. You know that's like what's necessary and what's nice.

Then on top of what's nice — say I am having a week where I am just like full of energy. I am ovulating. I'm like in the best part of my cycle for me. The moon is full. Everything feels good. I have so much energy.

Then I might look at those tasks on my to-do list and find the ideal things. These are the things I would only get done in a week where I am like so full of life and my energetic cup is overflowing.

So that might be the week where I write show notes for the next six episodes of Off the Grid. Dear listener, I have not yet had a week where I had so much energy I wrote show notes for six episodes of this podcast … but you know in an Ideal World maybe that would happen.

[18:20] You know it might be the week where I'm like — great I've been needing to rewrite the copy on that sales page. I already got my nice and my necessary stuff done, and now I rewrote that sales page.

So that's, one way that I use this framework — what's necessary? what's nice? and what's ideal?

That's how I use it if I'm like looking at my to do list and I'm thinking about my energetic capacity for the week. Sometimes my energetic capacity changes day-to-day, in fact it certainly does change day-to-day. But I try to just think of it a week at a time and then from there I take a day to day.

[18:52] Another way that I use this framework that isn't just about my energetic capacity for any given week or day — sometimes I use this framework to look at a project that I'm planning.

So let's say I am launching a workshop or a book. Let's use a product example. I use so many service examples, thank you to the product-based listeners out there. I appreciate you. You're the best. We'll do a product-based example right here.

So let's say I'm going to put out an ebook, a digital product. When I look at that project I might make a plan for the necessary, the nice and the ideal.

What is necessary for me to launch this ebook? I must write the e-book, put it in ebook format, and find a way for people to pay for it.

So I’ve got to get a way to write this book. I got to make it into an e-book, and I got to put it up for sale and have a payment processing something. That's what's necessary.

What would be nice — is a beautiful cover for the ebook, a fully fleshed-out sales page for the e-book, so that people are excited and really want to spend money on it, and a marketing campaign for the e-book. Great! Those will all be nice things. I probably need those things for this to go well.

[20:04] What would be ideal? That would be a full list of partnerships, a list of at least 10 people who are going to share the e-book on launch day. And I'm going to do a podcast about the e-book and I'm going to build out six episodes of my podcast around this ebook launch. Those are all great wonderful ideas, but they're pretty ideal. They are far beyond the necessary tasks to accomplish to get this ebook out into the world.

[20:30] So that's another way that I use this framework. When I'm planning a project or a product launch or anything in my business or maybe I want to redo my website you know something on the back end, something systems-related like I want to redo my website —

What's necessary? I need a web designer or developer if I can’t do that myself.

What's nice? I actually have the time to write the new pages

What's ideal? Having a copywriter and a graphic designer and you know three other people who are going to help me project manage this.

[21:04] So I can think about any project in terms of this framework as well.

[21:11] I want to take this back to energetic capacity. If I find that I am only capable of doing what's necessary, then I don't have much capacity for radical generosity there. And if I spend too many weeks in my business where I can only get the necessary things done, that's a point where I try to look at it and say okay I need to adjust. I need to get tasks off the list. I need to take the expectations down or maybe there's something else going on in my life that I'm like okay six months from now I can be back at this level of performance but right now we're pulling back. The capacity is not there, so I'm pulling back the expectations.

When I spending a lot of time kind of in the nice range of my energetic capacity things are going well. I'm probably doing some generous things. I'm having some offerings. I'm not feeling resentful of people who ask for something or like I can't offer an ounce of anything else right like I said before.

So nice is a place I like to operate.

[22:15] When I'm operating in the ideal, it's wonderful. It feels good for a while, but in my experience honestly I have never hit the ideal energetic capacity. It's like so perfect it doesn't even exist — that's the ideal.

So if I'm operating at that level, I’ve probably got like a day or two of that and then I'm going to crash back down into nice and maybe all the way down to necessary or just like go to bed for two days.

If I'm functioning at that high of a level when I'm like doing things like in a way that's like not even possible in the real world, you know sometimes it happens. Sometimes I have a great month but I just know that I shouldn't be shooting for ideal all the time.

And I think if you have any perfectionist tendencies you (like me) might be always shooting for ideal and only willing to do things when they're ideal. And I think that will really hold you back in business.

[23:23] I try not to be prescriptive on this podcast. I try to give a lot of suggestions and invite you to do things your own way but I think I will say that if you are holding on to those ideals you are not setting yourself up for a business that is full of radical generosity and energetic sovereignty.

Because your energetic capacity will just get drained or you will constantly be comparing yourself to the ideal and finding yourself lacking.

We're back in that cycle the Instagram put us in or that social media put us in that I talked about in the first episode. If it's always aspirational then we have to sit in our lack all the time. And that doesn't feel good if we want to set a set ourselves up for success.

[24:07] When I started my business I was reading the book Profit First to set up my finances. It's not totally relevant but something that's said in that book is that in the first year of your business you should set the bar so low that you can trip over it. So that you can build up your belief in yourself that you can succeed.

And I think that this necessary, nice and ideal framework for me it's one way that I've started to kind of pull back my perfectionist tendencies so that I can find those small successes and build up my belief in myself. Because honestly y'all — starting a business is so hard and it's so much.

That's why we can't do social media on top of all this. I mean many of us do, I’m not saying you can't. But like it is so much. And so the more you can set yourself up to succeed by having really clear expectations instead of really ideal perfect expectations, the better your business will feel and the better your experience of working in your business will feel.

Like I said we're trying to create thriving, feel good businesses here that's what I want for all of us.

[25:20] So in today's episode, just to give us a recap as we cruise on out into the rest of our weeks or cruise on out from episode 5.

In today's episode we talked about radical generosity — what that means for me and my business, and an invitation for you to consider how to find alignment and flow in your business such that you do feel generous — radically generous —and are able to be in service to yourself and other people in your business.

That's what I want for you. That's why we're doing all this work around leaving social media, because it's such a drain on our energetic capacity, and I want you to have fun and feel good in your business.

[26:04] So we talked about radical generosity and then we talked about the three-part framework — the necessary, nice, and ideal framework to keep yourself in check when you're making plans, to keep your perfectionist tendencies in check and get really clear.

Do a check-in with your energetic capacity for every day or week or project and say — here's what's necessary; here's what's nice; and here's what's ideal. And then honestly babes, let go of the ideal. Just release it. Let it go.

So next time I'm going to talk to my friend and collaborator Mary Grace Allerdice about energetic sovereignty in business.

Until then I hope you'll download that Leaving Social Media Toolkit. I hope you will leave us a like on YouTube or a five star rating if you're listening in another podcast listening platform. And please tell a friend about Off the Grid.

I am so excited to be supporting you in this journey of leaving social media without losing all your clients or customers.

I'll see you next week. And until then let's get off the grid!

[27:05] Music.

Thanks for listening to Off the Grid. Find links and resources in the show notes and don't forget to grab your free leaving social media toolkit at softersounds.studio/byeig. That’s softer sounds dot studio / b y e IG.

This podcast is a Softer Sounds production. Our music is by purple planet and our logo is by n'Atelier studio. If you'd like to make a podcast of your own, we'd love to help.

Learn more about our services at softersounds.studio. Until next time we'll see you off the grid.