⚡️ Cultivating energetic sovereignty & email as a love language — with grace allerdice

Amelia Hruby [00:02]: Welcome to Off the Grid, a podcast for small business owners who want to leave social media without losing all their clients. I’m Amelia Hruby, writer, speaker and founder of Softer Sound Podcast Studio. On this show I share stories, strategies and experiments for growing your business with radical generosity and energetic sovereignty. Download your free “Leaving Social Media” toolkit at softersounds.studio/byeig and join us as we do it all Off the Grid.

Amelia Hruby [00:36]: Hello and welcome to Off the Grid, a podcast about leaving social media without losing all your clients or customers. I feel like I have, like a head bob, I do for that now, for those of you watching on YouTube. If you're on the podcast, sorry, you don’t get to see my hand waving that happens as we record. I’m Amelia Hruby. I am a writer, speaker and the founder of Softer Sounds, a feminist podcast studio for entrepreneurs and creatives, and I am also the host of this podcast.

If this is your first episode of Off the Grid, welcome. You have arrived just in time for our very first guest to appear so you picked a good one. In past episodes of the show, I've talked about the myths about social media marketing for small businesses, my story of leaving Instagram and launching a business off social media and how to plan creative marketing experiments to grow your audience, nurture your community and to sell your offerings or products. So if you'd like to learn about any of those things, check out the podcast feed and be sure to download our FREE Leaving Social Media Toolkit. You can find that at softersounds.studio/byeig. That’s b-y-e-i-g.

But for today's episode, I am so excited to have our first guest on the podcast and she is a dear friend of mine, Mary Grace Allerdice who's joining us. Mary Grace is an artist, consulting astrologer, writer, podcaster and energetic practitioner. She is the host of the HomeBody podcast, which has released almost 150 episodes. Full disclosure Softer Sounds also produces that show, so I love it dearly and intimately. Mary Grace facilitates individual sessions and online communities that help us be more ourselves and live into a more meaningful sense of purpose, fulfillment, flow and healing. Her work is deeply profound and expansive and Mary Grace and I will probably talk about this but we actually met on Instagram through the internet, but our friendship and work collaborations have flourished off of social media and really, I would say even more so after we were both off of Instagram. So I’m so glad to have you here today, Mary Grace. Welcome to Off the Grid.

Mary Grace [2:57]: Thank you, I’m so happy to be here. If you're not watching my face, it’s like hurting because I’m smiling so much, so, yay!

Amelia Hruby [3:03]: I feel exactly the same way. So, in episode 2 of Off the Grid, when I shared my story of leaving Instagram, I shared that one of your podcast episodes was like the thing that made me realize that I needed to get off of that social media platform. It was called “Your Deep Alignment is a Portal” which in and of itself is beautiful. Can you walk us through your social media journey and everything that led up to you releasing that podcast episode and leaving Instagram?

Mary Grace [3:35]: Yeah, it's such, like a big question and also such a small question. I left Instagram at the end of 2020, which in and of itself was of course an epic year, and I had been feeling really activated and in conflict with it for most of the year for multiple reasons. Some of that was the kind of cultural weather and some of it was where I was personally, COVID hit as I was kind of ready to return to the world and connect, really, after a lot of personal and professional difficulty. Kind of midway through 2020, I came to realize that I have been using my phone and also social media specifically as sort of a coping mechanism but I wasn't doing it consciously, there's nothing wrong with coping or anything like that, but it was feeling really compulsive and it wasn't actually helping.

If we evaluate things based on how we actually feel, versus how we think that we are going to feel. I was always feeling worse and was- I was going back and forth toggling into ‘I'm just going to get really good at it’ and then feeling exhausted, burnout and then resentful and then be like, “Oh, I’m going to get off of it for a week.” So I was in this really drastic ponderation for a lot of the year and I was not really able to focus on my creative impulses which for me, I'm primarily like a maker. Just put me in a lab, let me make some things and that's really something that I need to feed and it's the thing that really fuels my actual business. It’s really hard for me anyways to create something that feels uniquely my voice when there is so much input and then I would just find myself scrolling and not doing my work and now I'm feeling guilty, and look at what that person is doing. And then reels came out, I was like “I'm never going to do a reel. I'm never going to point to things; I'm never going to do that.” I felt I was just always getting asked to do more and I was really hitting this wall, whereas, like, I am not a content making machine and I don't want to be. Some people do want to be that and I don’t. I'm not in some, like, who can make the most content race. For me personally, I'm definitely more of a quality over quantity person. I'm a very slow digester when it comes to new information and new things, like if I get a new album that I’m in love with, I'll listen to it for like a year straight before I feel like I've really taken it in and that's extreme, but that's just who I am. And I also didn't like the conversations that were coming out, like cancel culture is really hitting a big peak and the way people were talking to one another and also talking about one another. It was just like these are not the conversations I want to get involved in and I was feeling disempowered to create my own conversation because I was spending so much time there.

Some of the other things that were coming up. I feel like I'm just making the soup that leads to the moment but the new terms of use …

Amelia Hruby [6:26]: It’s perfect. I love soup.

Mary Grace [6:29]: I love soup as well. I love a one pot meal. So, the new terms of use were coming out and it was like, “Oh, also we can look at everything on your phone and also look through your camera at you whenever we want. And access all the data on any device connected to their phone.” I was like, “What? Why is that even necessary?” So that was really the last straw for me that was sort of stacking up. I think the social dilemma also came up in 2020, I can't remember but that's when it was starting to get in the buzz a lot. And just realizing that that thing was designed to make me feel shitty. It was designed to feel addictive. It's designed to make people feel insecure and like shit because we buy things to make ourselves feel better. And it's designed to make me feel in competition with people that I admire, and that, you know, maybe there are people who handle that better than me and that's completely fine. But for me, the cons were really outweighing the pros and I just had to do it. I finally, I just had enough. I procrastinated all that year because I was scared of disappearing. I have a huge FOMO complex, where I’m always like, “Oh my gosh, is this going to happen and I'm going to get left behind.” But really you just find other ways of connecting and it's, you know, not like you're going off the internet, you know, you're just going off of this platform. And from a business standpoint, which we can talk about more, it's not like I was getting that much traffic, I didn't have one million followers. I certainly wasn't going to pay to get one million followers. None of my clients were … like, I found you on Instagram and then I booked a session like that wasn't happening, and that may be different for other people, I acknowledge that but I was really sick of trying to please the algorithm gods at the expense of my mental health, my creative energy, which is my primary resource for my job. And yeah, I think all those things together just made it clear that I needed an exit and I wanted to put my energy in a place where it was more fulfilling for me and also just generative and more productive. So that's sort of, that’s the soup.

Amelia Hruby [8:27]: I just want to, like, point to a few threads of things that you said in there that have come up on the podcast already. Like, one is, thinking of your creative energy as the primary resource in your business. So often I feel like we are told or taught that money is the primary resource in our business and I really appreciate your reframing of, like, actually, nothing will happen, my business could have a million dollars but if I have no creative energy, nothing will happen. I’m not- I can't make anything, I have nothing to offer. So I think we’ll dive into that further in this episode. But that was just something that was really striking to me already and how you're talking about the decision to leave Instagram, is protecting your creative energy. And how you spoke to, like, our creative energy gets really fucked-up if we're just constantly consuming other people's creative work. I think that is true on and off of social media. We need to be nourished and nurtured by art, and nature, and beauty and life. But also, if all you do is, like, go look at other people's work all the time, it can be really hard to get those other voices out of your head. I think that's true for most of us really or at least something I had talked to many, many different types of people about in many different areas.

I want to go a little deeper into the business side of this and just ask how did leaving social media impact your business? Because there's so much fear for people tuning into this, they’re like “If I leave social media, I will lose my business,” and you did that. And spoiler alert, didn't lose your business. It didn’t all go up in flames. So will you tell us about the impact that leaving socials had on your business.

Mary Grace [10:20]: Yeah, I first want to acknowledge something that you've said, and I think it's really important when someone's kind of dangling in this decision, is to separate what we think will happen from what actually is happening. Something that you talked about early on in your episodes was like, it promises to do X, Y and Z. It promises to go viral and this is what it's going to cost, whether it's tracking or money or whatever. And so a lot of times we're just kind of unconsciously participating based on those promises. But for me, it really started to hit home when I realized like, “Well what is actually happening in my business? What is actually happening with me on Instagram?”

“Oh, four people like it. Like, does that enough?” Just because someone like something doesn’t mean that they’re going to sign up for my thing. So really starting to separate that and again, some people have more influencer based businesses and things like that, and that's fine, but that's not me. So I think getting clear on, like, what is actually happening and separating that from like the promises is really helpful. How it impacted me and my business? My business has grown since I've been off and I'm not saying it's growing because I've been off, but I definitely feel better about it. It’s not- I don't feel like inhibited because I'm not on Instagram and I personally feel more time, I feel more openness and I feel more tuned into my creative channel, and maybe someone else's business isn't, you know, based primarily on creativity, but mine is. I make a lot of podcasts sessions, like things that require my effort to come up with things that are original, and new, and empathetic and all of that. On social it is easy to get overwhelmed by how many people are doing things also that are similar to you and which can feel overwhelming and also stoke some insecurity. Like, “Oh, their colors are better than mine.” Or “Oh, they’re posting more.” whatever and it's so close to home because their services are similar or their personalities similar, whatever.

But for me it was like when you start to close some of those doors and windows. It's amazing how unique you start to feel and how more confident I got and just made my work started to feel more unique because I'm spending more time in a defined creative container. And so for me, it's like well, who actually is my role and thinking about top fashion designers or someone like that. It’s like, they’re not spending all their time scrolling on the sales for X, Y and Z. They’re wearing the white t-shirt and black jeans so that they can do their best work. They’ve simplified some of their decisions, so that they can put their energy into something that is extravagant and be generous there.

But I actually grew after I left Instagram simple because I was just focusing on the right things for me. I was feeling a lot more contained. A lot more clear about what shit is mine, what shit is not mine, as opposed to just feeling more reactive like every call out is about me. And I’m more choosy now about the content that I consume, whereas when you're scrolling, you're like passively consuming content and you're not being intend, like it's- the algorithm is deciding what it is and now … I don't know, I'm being more intentional about how I do that and much more engaged with the information that I’m consuming and I’m much more picky about who I'm listening to or who I'm learning from, which for me is more rewarding and beneficial. And it's creating more generative inspiration for me as opposed to just feeling like things are going in that I have to sort through.

Amelia Hruby [13:44]: Yeah, I love all of what you said and a few pieces that stood out were when you talked about like a porous versus a more defined container and social media is just like a sea. It’s just like anything can end up in your sphere and like it is the algorithm is deciding what is landing there or not. And as I felt the same way when I exited social media, I really got to make these conscious and intentional choices about what was or was not entering my mind consciousness, that became a choice for me instead of feeling like so many things just landed there. I really then sought out and discerned for me, like teachers, and guides and new sources, and relationships. I had to seek them out but then it got to be so much more discerning. I think in the past, I would just find myself following somebody because they liked something that I had posted, and then all of a sudden I'm like, six episodes into their podcasts and I don’t even like it.

Mary Grace [14:49]: It’s just happening.

Amelia Hruby [14:50]: It just felt like things happened to me so much. So I definitely relate to that. And then I don't know if you have this experience, but when I left, I very clearly remember when I left social media in April of 2021, following you, just a few months later, I really had a burst of creative energy right when I got off. All of a sudden I was writing these long essays for my website and writing to my email list all the time. It really was and that has not stayed the whole time, but it really was just this, “Oh, my gosh.” I clearly saw how much energy I was giving on social media and when I wasn’t giving it there, it just like went to all these other places and it was so cool.

Mary Grace [15:31]: Yeah, I did and I think it's speaking a little bit to focus and a little bit also to generosity and it's like you know, we think being generous is like saying yes to everything. But actually being generous is just being clear about what you're going to give wholeheartedly to and you can't do that with everything; you actually cannot. And so, for me, I relate a lot to that. It was more like “Well, what am I committed to? I'm committed to my podcast, I'm committed to my newsletter. I'm committed to my clients.” I think I started can the same month that I left. It was just amazing to feel like these are the things that I am committed to pouring into, that feel good to pour into. Yeah, I'm just having a lot more resource around myself and feeling less like there's eyes on me all the time as far as how people are going to respond to my work because when you put yourself on social media, you're also putting yourself out there for like unsolicited feedback about everything which is just not, to me it's not helpful. So I'm very kind of choosy about things that I asked for feedback for and not and the internet can sort of make that a complicated and non consensual process. So a lot of the time, definitely.

Amelia Hruby [16:38]: You just mentioned the things that you are now committed to and you're committed to your podcast and committed to your clients. So how are you marketing your business and your offerings now that social media is not in that mix?

Mary Grace [16:51]: Yeah. One thing I want to say is that I love your list of 100 Things; I love all of these.

Amelia Hruby [16:55]: Thank you.

Mary Grace [16:56]: And I think it's important to remember that there's also life off the internet, and that those people can still pay you for your work. And I think it's also, the other thing I want to center here is, sometimes on the internet it's easy to forget that these are actual people. They're not just email addresses. They're not just followers. They’re not just numbers, they’re human beings and they know people. They know you and they're responding to you from an individual place, not this like, audience place where we think we're speaking out to this room full of anonymous people, but actually each person is receiving you as an individual. And so for me, marketing is prioritizing that human element as much as possible. And if I'm not able to do that, I don't send the email and maybe I leave money on the table that way but for me, that's a huge value for me. Like, would I want to receive this email? If not, then I'm just not going to write it or I'm going to write it later. Because the energy with which you're approaching something does come through what you're doing. So there's that.

So I would say relationships are my primary marketing strategy. Part of that is because I've learned myself that I'm not going back to, like, being a dancer for a really long time and all this like audition trauma. Like I'm not the shiny person who's like covered in glitter and going to stand in front and center until you pick her like, that's not me and I'm not very shiny at first, I'm a very slow burn, people get to know me. And then once they get to know me, they're like, “Wow, you’re really invaluable. Like we really appreciate you.” But I'm not the person like on Instagram or these sort of, like, you put me in a crowd where you're like, “I’ll pick that girl.” And so I know that about myself. I know that about how I move through the world. I've never gotten a job because someone picked me on a blind application. It's always through a relationship. It’s always through an individual. And so I can now- knowing that, be strategic and use that as a strength instead of being sad that I'm not Kim Kardashian. So I really make it …

The best marketing you can do, I think is take really good care of everyone who puts their trust in you because retention is the best marketing that you can do. It's a lot less expensive to keep a client than it is to get a new one. However, we spend a lot of the time so much energy only thinking about getting the new people and you do need them. I'm not saying you don't but also spending lots of love, and nurturing, and care and saying “how well can I treat the people that are already here?” and saying “I love what you're doing.”

And collaborations – I love collaborating with people. It's a strength of mine. So some things that I do like podcasting. Podcasting is a great co-collaborative meeting, like I'm here, I'm creating content with you and for you, and you're going to share it with your audience and I'm going to share it with my audience and like what a beautiful win. So that we're both getting access to people and because people trust me, they are going to be quicker to also trust you. And so like using relationship as more of that mycelial network tool is really a huge strategy for me. There’s a lot of ways that you can use that, whether it's sharing lead magnets with one another, having people on your podcast, letting people write emails on to your list, things like that. Something that I've done too that is really, I enjoy doing things like threshold which are these panels that I put together like every quarter, and so everybody's list sort of comes together to participate in this event. It’s free, and it's a great way to grow and it's also really fun to do and everybody benefits from it. So I think things like that are really what is going to help us be more generous, less competitive, and what are the ways that we can use one another's relationships because I've gotten so many emails from people lately that are like, “Yeah, the algorithm is kicking my ass too.” They are working so hard. They are following all the rules and they are posting all the time, like good for you, I'm never going to do that just because I know myself. I was like, that’s too much. And they're still like, “Oh my God, but I'm not growing. Oh my god, but I'm not going viral.” So I think prioritizing the platforms and things, and the relationships that the algorithm cannot take away, is really the most valuable thing that I do.

Amelia Hruby [21:17]: Yeah. So much of what you said is just so powerful, and I think I ever heard you speak to this before and I love it every time when you talk about like, facing that shadow of not being the shiny thing.

Mary Grace [21:32]: Yeah.

Amelia Hruby [21:33]: It’s so hard. It's something that I again, following in your footsteps had to face when I was leaving social media of, like, I'm an Aries son. I think all Aries sun secretly or not secretly want to be famous. I think it's just true. I think it's just there, you have like an exalted sign and you’re like, “Yess.” But anyway, I had to think about when I was leaving, like, I had to face this sense of, “Well, Instagram is where I was going to be famous in my own way. And similar like yours, wasn't quite the same journey as you. I think as an Aries sun, I have had a lot of luck with shininess in my life that lives in my chart, but I had to let go of that, like, dream. I had to recognize that dream of virality wasn't even really mine. It was just there because I was just on social media and that was the promise of social media. So I had taken that on as my own dream and I had to face that that desire didn't belong to me, and I had to release it. But really what you spoke to that I just want to like drive home for people is taking care of relationships. And I think it's exciting to see, I see you do this. I see lots of other people do this, like even more consent coming into that sales conversation. Of like, if you're about to go into a sales cycle, letting your list know and letting people opt in or opt out of those sales emails. And that feels so aligned to me with what you're saying, taking care of that relationship. Can you talk a little bit more about how you think through those types of strategies of taking care of your relationships.

Mary Grace [23:11]: Yeah, and I totally agree and identify with your segmentation of that. And I would say, like I often … on the side of like, so many hurdles to the sales conversation probably too much, and I'm working on that. So for instance, we did a threshold a couple of months ago, and that was like a bunch of new people on my list. Do I send them a sales email the next day?

No, I don't. But I make sure to have some context and they knew when they were signing up that they were going to get emails from me and even leading up to that event. I was like, nurturing them so much. Like here’s some podcast with the people that are going to be in threshold, like just giving them their content that aren't even on my website necessarily. So being really generous in that way. And a lot of times, especially if I'm going to sell something, I have some sort of lead magnet that goes just to a segment that I will be selling to.

So I’m not just mass selling to my whole list, I’m only selling to people who have already said “Yes”, to like, the appetizer. For what that’s going to be. And even within that, there’s a like “If you don’t want to get anymore of these emails, let me know.” or like “I’m going to be sending two more this week, too much for you? Cool, let me know by clicking here.” And just people know how the internet works now, right? You’re not like pulling one over on them and being like “Oops! Surprise, I’m selling something.” So, like, just be honest like nobody- everyone knows how it works now. Like, and so just being really open and transparent about that and also I think for me too, like, I mean, emailing is such as love language for me, it’s definitely my- one of my primary love languages with my audience. I’m such a, I think, writer more than I am anything. But just really prioritizing whatever it is even if it is a sales email, like, the email in of itself is a gift, even if they don’t buy anything from me that they read that and they’re like “Aw, wow I’m so glad I got that in my inbox today!” and maybe that’s not what happens all the time but that’s my goal. That’s my intention.

Amelia Hruby [25:08]: Now I love that so much. I mean, I also like to think of emails as gifts. And, I’m just like, constantly gifting things to my personal list. I’m like “Here’s a [25:17], here’s a free email course! Here’s a like…” since I launched my business, I just like my personal list has just become a space to get presents. So if you just, like, want constant presents from me, you can sign up for my email list. My personal email list in the show notes. And I think to- for people who are totally new to this sort of email in segmentation conversation I just very briefly do want to speak quickly to that. Which is to say and to provide the tool we both use, so Grace and I use Flodesk for our- as our email service provider. Link to that in the show notes as well. And within Flodesk and within many email service providers, if you use a different one, you can set up different segments to your list, so you could have a general list, you could have a list for all of the people who are your clients, you could have a list for all of the people who downloaded your free thing. And Grace and I both also have a lot of free things, a lot of segments like one per thing. So for instance if you have downloaded the free "Leaving Social Media" toolkit you’re in that segment. And you don’t get emails from me about my personal list, you don’t get emails from my personal list. You don't get emails about Softer Sounds, general business stuff. You just get the emails about the "Leaving Social Media" stuff. And it’s really nice to use an email service provider that allows that level of specificity because it allows for taking care of relationships in the way we’re talking about and that can be a great way to just continue to build that trust and to nurture trust. And I do think if you’re on Social Media and you’re leaving Social Media, email is a fantastic resource. Something I noticed when I was leaving Social Media is that when I was leaving Instagram I had been doing all my trust building and stories. I was providing a lot of access to my life and I was just like, being there. I was like, “Cool, here’s this, here’s that.” and that’s how people learned to trust me. They felt an intimacy with my day to day and that was how they developed trust. Now that I’m not on Social Media anymore and I’m not really interested in sending an email about my like, book I’m reading or whatever. You know, all the stuff I was doing in stories didn’t translate to email for me. So I really do focus on that generosity piece, on those gifts and I give a lot of gifts on my email list and I write really thoughtfully to it. And that’s how I trust-build there. And I think it’s important to think about that. A lot of people as you leave Instagram make a move to an email list and just start selling stuff ‘cause you’re like, “emails are for sales.” but you have to figure out your way of doing trust building you were doing on Social Media through email or another platform. I’ve done text messages, I’ve done snail mail, I’ve sent postcards, you know, and Grace already mentioned the list of 100 ways to share your work off Social Media. Which, side note, I was in a desert last week and I saw this band that had spray painted a tarp with their Spotify link on it and I was like, “gotta put that on the list” I was like, I went to it “listen to the so-and-so on Spotify” and I was like, “Look at this, marketing in the real world” so whatever it is you know, that’s a great example of kinda the way to do something offline. I don’t know if it does the trust building I've been talking about, but it's definitely novel that I was excited about it.

Mary Grace [28:38]: No, I mean, I love that because it's also not an expense. They're not asking you to do something energetically expensive. They're like, I'm on Spotify right now, click. And if you hate it, it's, like, not the end of the world. And if you love it, they just gained a follower.

Amelia Hruby [28:49]: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And that's why we so often point people toward these quote unquote “free things”, you know, listening on Spotify as a user is free to me, you know, downloading my toolkit is free to you as a listener.

You're right. It doesn't take that, like, a lot of energy from you to do this, you don't have to pay for it. And we build trust. Yeah. And when we build that trust over time, then we have our offerings that are for sale or our products that are for sale. And we're able to… you trust us, you might want those things from us hopefully, or, or not, you know, hey, I'm all here to be like a lurker on a list and just get every single email forever and buy nothing.

I do that all the time. So I have to expect people will do it to me, too.

Mary Grace [29:33]: Yes.

Amelia Hruby [29:35]: Hi Off the Grid listeners. Amelia here interrupting our conversation today because I want to share with you one of my favorite marketing tools. When I left Instagram, I invited all of my followers to subscribe to my mailing list in order to keep in touch with me.

And I promised to send them monthly issue notes on a lot of the themes I used to talk about on social media. I've used many email service providers in my day, but my favorite of all of them is Flodesk. Flodesk is a gorgeous, easy to use email service provider. It helps you create beautiful, thoughtful emails, and even better, it's really set up to help you create easy to use landing pages so people can join your list and workflows. So you can automate sending messages to folks who sign up through different pages. Flodesk is how I run all of the welcome sequences and lead magnets that Softer Sounds. It's also how I ran the “Leaving Social Media” toolkit that you might have downloaded after listening to this podcast.

I'm surely not sending those emails out myself, manually Flodesk is doing all of that auto magically. If you'd like to give Flodesk a try, please use my affiliate link below in the show notes. You'll get a discount. I'll get a kickback and we will all send more beautiful emails together. Again, check out the affiliate link in the show notes. For now, we're going to get back to this episode of Off the Grid.

Amelia Hruby [31:07]: Now that we're like, well, into this episode, I want to get to the thing I really invited you on to talk about, which is energetic sovereignty. So I was on your podcast earlier this year, and we had a wonderful conversation that I will link below in the show notes about service. As part of that conversation, we talked about both being service providers and our businesses are running service-based businesses.

And we did that. We talked a lot about, like, boundaries and energy. And that really inspired me when I started this podcast, because I was thinking a lot about how one of my biggest issues with Instagram and social media was the way it just, like, my energy didn't belong to me there. It was not mine at all.

So I- I'm wondering if you can open us up by just sharing more about energetic sovereignty and what is energetic sovereignty for you?

Mary Grace [32:08]: I love a big expansive question and I have so many like different little pinpoints that I'll probably answer in a non-sequential way, but I'll try to put a bow on it as best as I can.

The first thing I think about energetic sovereignty is first… it's getting to know yourself. It's all these things I said earlier. Like I'm a slow digester, which is true. And physically and mentally, like, I tend to take a very slow central amount of time to digest things. And that's something that AI know, but then part of the sovereignty component is actually honoring that and following up with that and taking responsibility for that, instead of being sad that I'm not someone else or that I can go faster or making myself, maybe I can go faster if I have to, but there's something about our innate and makeup that we need to honor.

And we can't honor it if we don't know it. So I think that that is a really kind of core, fundamental component to that. And knowing your energy and being attentional about where it goes, how it gets used, what feedback loops it participates in. And the other thing, once we know it, we honor it. And if that's not something we're able to do, then there's some healing.

Invited there like we have to heal into knowing it or healing into being able to take care of it. And then once we've gone through those stages, we get to a point where we're invited to be sovereign with it, which is when we're invited to take responsibility for our energy. So if we think traditionally about a sovereign, we're thinking about like a king or a queen or a Monarch or a chief or whatever, and it's, you know, even if it's not their responsibility, if it's in their domain, then ultimately it is their responsibility.

So yeah, it is learning to delegate, but you're still responsible for those delegations and who's doing the work ultimately and starting to approach, like, your business is your kingdom. And so how you're doing affects it. I wish I had known this like 10 years ago, but whatever hard lessons learned, but like how you're doing the energy that you're able to infuse your business with is everything. Yeah. Especially if you're in like a solopreneur phase, it's really, really, really important that that knowing your energy, honoring it, setting up structures that support it. If your domain is too big for the level that you're able to be responsible, then you're not able to be sovereign over that, for instance.

So I think it's learning to take a leadership role in your own life with yourself and also getting clear on what the expectations that others have of you or do not have of you, you know, it's like when I left Instagram, I was like, just so we're clear. I will not be posting here. You can find me at these places where I have a sovereignty and I'm committed to them.

And just again, taking care of with the people in your domain and acting like a queen, instead of like “oops, people just found me here” and like, I'm just going to throw shit around. And like, you can do that, I guess. But like that's a different vibe. And I think social media fucks with that a little bit, because there is so very little that you have control over, like the feedback, like the algorithm is the sovereign and some people are totally fine.

Like the algorithm gods that they're fine with that. And great, but there's just really no consent around where it's shared, what shows up, even your own relationship with your followers or your community, however you want to frame that. And so I think there's a lot of things, even we were talking before the episode, even just thinking about like really intimate relationships or sexual relationships, right? Where we're wanting to be close with people. There are agreements. There are consents. There are safe words, et cetera, but with social media, there's not really any of that. And we need that structure to feel safe, to feel clear, to define the container. What am I responsible for? What am I not responsible for? And when you're super empathic or you do a service-based business, it can be really easy to be like, “I'm responsible for how everyone feels about me”, which is not true.

You're just responsible for being in your integrity and how people feel about you is just really on their own plate. And there is already so much in the world that we don't have control over, which is a whole other episode, maybe, you know, but put intentionally putting yourself in places of responsibility.

In environments that you actually have no control or responsibility over is just putting you in this kind of like people pleasing, you know, striving, protege, like this sort of like submissive non consensual role, which maybe you don't want to be in. So I think it makes you, it forces you to be less responsible, less accountable, and therefore less sovereign or for me less creative, which is a huge priority for me.

So it's really choosing your devotion, choosing your container and choosing your kingdom, really like defining what are the bounds of that? Who's allowed in and out how to, what are the rules here, you know? And what are the rules of provision and what am I responsible for and what is someone else responsible for? What's our exchange?

Amelia Hruby [37:07]: So many beautiful things that you just said. I think I said that in response to every time you talk, what stood out to me again is just the, the first call is to know yourself know thyself, like some Oracle shit right there. And I think that is so intertwined with energetic sovereignty in your business, because if you don't know yourself and know how you work best and what you can contribute to your business and what your business needs, if you don't know yourself on all those levels and know your business on those levels. That is when we start looking to other people to provide like blueprints or quick fixes or like magic bullets or whatnot, that will just like, do it all for us. And that takes us out of our sovereignty. Anytime we're just doing somebody else's thing with our bodies and our lives.

We're not sovereign in that. And so I think it's, and that doesn't mean, you know, take courses, learn stuff. You don't have to know it all yourself, but I just see so many early stage business owners just create a business that I, I asked myself if I'm doing this every day. So I'm not trying to judge other people, but like, it's so easy to make a business that is just not for you.

And that feels bad in your body. And that runs you ragged and that wrecks your life. I mean, it's easy to do that if you're doing your own thing, but I feel like it's almost inevitable to do that if you're just following a blueprint that someone else created or told you and social media produced, like because of the aspirational nature of these platforms, it really pushes us toward that.

It says, like, oh, this person is really successful. How do I know they have this many followers? I, if I do what they do, I will get success and that's not true. It's another one of those promises versus reality things.

Mary Grace [39:01]: I mean, so much, they're like I've gotten so many emails from people lately that are like, oh, we're closing our doors.

Cause I realized I accidentally recreated an oppressive structure. That was the job that I left, you know? And that happens so often I've got this been multiples like in the past, like, three months where I'm like, “this is a trend” I've done it. I've totally done it. And I think too, like, especially if you're in a place where you're wanting, you know, we- it's so easy if we're only following blueprints and following rules and sort of letting other people build our business. If you have a canned business, right. And like the world doesn't need more content, right? Like the content is not really what makes you special, but if you can infuse the “You” into it and your heart into it, that's what makes your business special.

Not just like the blueprint or the system or the, whatever that stuff is helpful. But if it's set up in a way that you can't put the “You” into it, then like it's just another, like kind of canned post, which, I mean, that's not really going to set you apart. So I think it's not going to, like, do the shiny thing that you want.

If you want to be shiny in your way, then, you gotta be able to put the “You” into it, which means on some level you gotta like it.

Amelia Hruby [40:07]: Yeah. Yeah. No, I think, I think so too. And you know, there are these different ways in which knowing ourselves is the first step and we will have sustainable businesses to bring a new word into the conversation.

Like to me, sustainable business. A sustainable business is one that's built for longevity. And in order for me to think in the long term, I have to really take care of myself, my body and my energy. And, you know, I feel like I've been fan-girling about you, Mary Grace this whole time, but working with you and your sessions really did help me so much over the past year and a half at this point to, to, to learn these things about myself.

You know, we both use modalities like astrology and taro, in your practice outside of that, like human design and other things we learned from other places and guides that- that really helps me understand what suits me well, and what's gonna work for me. I've already talked today about being an aries son, you know, that helps me make decisions in my business, being a Capricorn rising? That definitely helps me do things in my business. Or like in human design language, like knowing that I'm a generate, we're both generators that can help us make decisions, but that sort of sacred gut authority or, you know, pulling a tarot card, you know, the queen of Pentacles as my business, archetype the archetype for my business for life.

But I have a queen of Pentacles candle behind me, and that helps me channel a different energy into my business because I think something I just wanted to, like, expand on in what you're saying. Especially when you're a solopreneur, your energy and your business's energy can feel and are really closely aligned.

But that doesn't mean they're just the same. It doesn't mean that you are reduced to your business or your business has reduced to you. Your business can draw an energy from other sources from archetypes that you channel from your clients, from your community. Like if your business can be a meeting place for those energies too.

And that's the reason you need energetic sovereignty so that when all those energies meet there, it doesn't just, like, take you way off center. But it's also a beautiful opportunity to draw on resources that aren't just like your body and your spirit.

Mary Grace [42:31]: I mean, it's like, I always think about, like, having a kid and I know that a kid is a unique thing, but yea, I felt the same way I'm like I'm making a dance or something. It's like, especially if you're working with, like, a group of people or if you have employees or whatever, it's not, like, I'm not generating every single move that ends up on stage. I'm not making the costumes. I didn't do the sound. I'm certainly not, like, doing whatever Danny is doing over there, but it also wouldn't happen if I weren't there.

Right. So like, there's a way that whether you are by yourself or you're making a thing, also the thing. The capital T thing, the child, whatever you want to think about it is its own thing. It's going to grow up and do its own thing and you get to steward it and you get to garden it and you get to take care of it, but it isn't you, but especially in the beginning, like thinking about a baby business or thinking about a baby, it needs a lot more energy from you.

It needs a lot more nurturing, care. There's some loss sleep at night, you know, and to not be, and to just know that that's what. Going to take. And then eventually that grows, its domain gets bigger and bigger and bigger. And that conversation between what is mine, what does the businesses like, we also need to be energetically sovereign between us and our business.

So we're not just these like siphons always just like leaking out into the thing. Right? Like those things need to be clear, which I think is something that you're talking about, which is really powerful.

Amelia Hruby [43:46]: Yeah. Yes, so much. So, sometimes I try to remind myself when I'm, when I'm trying to stand in my energetic sovereignty.

Things can happen in my business and not happen in my life. Things can happen in my business and not have to be processed through my body. Was that client email weird? Maybe. Do I need to spend my entire night, like, feeling that in every ounce of me? No, my business, my business will handle that for me.

It's over there. My business has its own, like, you know, little SOP for replying to client emails. I will do that for my business later when I'm back in my business, not on my own time and my body, and that may not feel true to everyone, but there are ways I process for myself that distance. And that kind of leads me as we wrap up.

I'm just wondering if you could share, and we can do this back and forth. Like what are ways that you cultivate energetic sovereignty in your business? How do you help yourself and your business kind of…be a queen as you so nicely put it earlier?

Mary Grace [44:48]: Love a queen. I think there's some really practical ways I do it then there's some also like some spiritual ways, I guess. Some of the practical ways to just getting clear about what is working hours and what isn't, but doesn't mean that it's always the same because it's not, but I'm getting clear about when I'm working and when I'm not. And honestly, since then, those will tie in later as well, but like, you know, having a system for what that helps hold my tasks and responsibilities, like we both use notion, makes it feel like less, like I'm carrying the business around in my backpack all the time, because like notions got it.

And so that's been really helpful for me having very clear places where those tasks lived, as opposed to just, like, they're everywhere. And every time I look at my phone, there's a reminder of that thing you forgot. So, like, that needs to be those kinds of systems and organizations. And just getting clear with is really important, especially for me, because I just spread out.

Like it can become a flood real quick. Yeah. Pacing is like, knowing yourself. Pacing is a big thing for me because I'm a maker. I can make courses all day long. Yeah, can I employ, like I'm currently a solopreneur and so I can't implement them all day. There's what can we actually do again, for me, my mind is always like a million steps ahead. Every ideas, instantly 10 million ideas. And I need to learn to reign that in, but I have to know that that's my impulse first and to like, know how to channel that or like table it for later, whatever. And the other things are less about boundaries and more about intersection. Is that knowing that my spiritual health or my creative inspiration directly influences how well I do in my business. So like when I am not making time for me, it's the morning to like, just set myself up with, like, a book and a coffee and a meditation and like a prayer to whatever gods I'm working with at that moment. Then I do feel more drained.

I am less able to show up and also some of my work is intuitive and energetic and like that really matters and I can't really show up. And so, um, and then making sure I tie bows on things. Like, I think mise en place is a big word going around right now. Wrapping it up, which for me, I'm terrible at doing, I'll just spill over into the next thing, but it's like, no, you gotta, you wrap it up where you set yourself up to start again. Tomorrow has been a huge practice for me, and I'm still not great about it, but my husband can testify that it's definitely getting better around the house instead of just this, like, permanent trail of everything I've done that day and where it's going.

Amelia Hruby [47:15]: Oh, I can relate to that.

Mary Grace [47:17]: I think we both work with clients too. I think part of that is also like setting clear boundaries, not the word boundaries, but like clear expectations with your clients. Like I don't go over sessions or if I do, you're aware that I'm being very generous because I want to wrap up this thing, but there's not an expectation that like our 60 minute session is going to be two hours and things like that, where it's five minutes till the end.

And I'm like, do you have any other questions for me before we wrap up? And that it's not me being mean to just, hold to the expectation and making sure that in my sessions or in all the things, they get reminders that like that they already know that. And that, that all the, everything that needs to be communicated is good for me.

It was like, oops, my refund policy isn't very clear yet. So I can't be, I can't hold to that expectation because I forgot to be really clear about it here. And we, I mean, we live and we learn. So those things I think are really important too. And they save some of that decision fatigue as a far as like, what am I going to do in this instance? It's not instance based. You just set it up and this is how it is. So you're not always having to like, put so much energy and like decision and like rationalization behind everything. This is just the structure and this is what it is.

Amelia Hruby [48:24]: Yes. 100%. I was just, I was thinking I had client experience and being really clear and crafting a thoughtful client journey can be so helpful if you're somebody who sells products, like having your shipping policies and your refund policies, like clearly available on your website so that you can refer back to them. So helpful if you sell things to people and you do not have that on your website. Right? Like, go do it right now. Like, you don't need to listen to this. You need to go do that. It will save you so much time and energetic grief over, like, the upcoming months or years.

Mary Grace [48:58]: And stop spinning energy on stuff that doesn't matter like that.

Amelia Hruby [49:02]: Yeah. So much so. And I think the kind of final thing I want to say to that too, is just to remember that cultivating energetic sovereignty in your business, like, the foundation of that is taking care of yourself.

Mary Grace [49:14]: But I forget it too. Like I can work myself to the bone cause I actually like, love work. I love to work, but I also love, you know, eating food and like going out and, like getting dressed up and like getting dirty in my guard and like, you know, and it's easy for me to, yeah. It's important to have fun. That's a big part of how you. Keep going.

Amelia Hruby [49:32]: Yes. Have fun. Okay, beautiful. Mary Grace. How can people find you and come work with you if they would like to be one of your biggest fans like I am.

Mary Grace [49:44]: That is very sweet. On the internet I am currently mgallerdice.com, which is M-G-A-L-L-E-R-D-I-C-E.

I never just say my last name, I always spell it. And then I have a homebody podcast, which Amelia produces such and inspires and helps with in such a big way. And the newsletter is the best way to stay in contact with me or the podcasts subscribing to that.

Amelia Hruby [50:09]: Yeah. And I will also shout out to a beautiful quiz you created: the Water Medicine quiz.

If you're somebody listening to this and you're feeling really out of touch with how to take care of yourself right now, that quiz just provides so many, like, helpful touchstones for just, you know, gently connecting with where you're at and how you might serve yourself. More or deeper or better or more expansively.

So I will link to that in the show notes as well. And then my final note for everyone listening is that we talked about notion on this podcast episode and Mary Grace and I are going to start co-hosting something that we are calling “Notion Nerd Nights.” They're not at night.

Mary Grace [50:53]: That's the secret info.

Amelia Hruby [50:54]: Yeah, the secret info is Notion Nerd Nights are not happening at night, but this will be a, just an hour or once a month to connect with other small business owners or, you know, people running cool creative projects that are already using, or want to be using notion to help build those like systems and structures. And spells and their life to help you hold all that you need to hold and cultivate that energetic sovereignty in your business.

So the first Notion Nerd Night will be on Wednesday, April 13th. If you're listening to this the day it comes out. That's a week from today, there'll be at 3:00 PM central time, which is also 1:00 PM Pacific time and 4:00 PM Eastern time. So it will be in the afternoon Notion Nerd afternoons.

Mary Grace [51:38]: Which doesn't have the same ring.

Amelia Hruby [51:40]: Yea, no, but it's totally free to join. And you can find the link in the show notes or below on YouTube if you'd like to RSVP and join us. And even if you can't come this time, or if you're listening to this in the future, you can still use that link to sign up, to join a future, a future date. I'm sure we'll do these for a while because we're both just huge Notion Nerds. And particularly notion nerds about our businesses. Like we both, our whole business runs out of notion. When I log on to work each day, I'm pulling up Notion. That's what I mean.

Mary Grace [52:11]: Yes, same, but yeah. Join us for notion nerd nights. And thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed being here.

Amelia Hruby [52:17]: Oh yes. Thank you so much for being here. If you are a lovely podcast listener, I'm going to tell you a secret, which is that this podcast is going to take a mid-season break. So we're going to be off for the next two weeks and then we're going to come back. Really with a whole series about all of the different tools that are used to run our businesses.

So I'll be talking about everything I do at Softer Sounds to market the business. I'll be talking about podcasting and I have a cool guest coming on to talk about podcasts and talk about Pinterest. I'm going to talk about systems, talk to somebody about community. I'm going to have a conversation about how all of this works. If you run a retail business, since I have a pretty service-based approach. So all of that will be coming in the second half of season, one of Off the Grid. I am so grateful that you're tuning in.

Please do reach out or click the button in the show notes to leave us a voice note. If you have thoughts, concerns, questions, big feelings, I'm here for all of them. And for now we'll take a deep breath and we're going to sign off this episode. So thank you, Mary Grace, for being here. Thanks for everyone for listening or watching, and I'll see you soon.

Amelia Hruby [53]: Thanks for listening to Off the Grid. Find links and resources and the show notes, and don't forget to grab your free “Leaving Social Media” toolkit at softersounds.studio/byeig. This podcast is a Softer Sounds, production and music is by purple planet.

And our logo is by an Italian Studio. If you'd like to make a podcast of your own, we'd love to help find more about our services@softersounds.studio until next time, we'll see you Off the Grid.

Mary Grace [51:38]: Which doesn't have the same ring.

Amelia Hruby [51:40]: Yea, no, but it's totally free to join. And you can find the link in the show notes or below on YouTube if you'd like to RSVP and join us. And even if you can't come this time, or if you're listening to this in the future, you can still use that link to sign up, to join a future, a future date. I'm sure we'll do these for a while because we're both just huge Notion Nerds. And particularly notion nerds about our businesses. Like we both, our whole business runs out of notion. When I log on to work each day, I'm pulling up Notion. That's what I mean.

Mary Grace [52:11]: Yes, same, but yeah. Join us for notion nerd nights. And thank you so much for having me. I really enjoyed being here.

Amelia Hruby [52:17]: Oh yes. Thank you so much for being here. If you are a lovely podcast listener, I'm going to tell you a secret, which is that this podcast is going to take a mid-season break. So we're going to be off for the next two weeks and then we're going to come back. Really with a whole series about all of the different tools that are used to run our businesses.

So I'll be talking about everything I do at Softer Sounds to market the business. I'll be talking about podcasting and I have a cool guest coming on to talk about podcasts and talk about Pinterest. I'm going to talk about systems, talk to somebody about community. I'm going to have a conversation about how all of this works. If you run a retail business, since I have a pretty service-based approach. So all of that will be coming in the second half of season, one of Off the Grid. I am so grateful that you're tuning in.

Please do reach out or click the button in the show notes to leave us a voice note. If you have thoughts, concerns, questions, big feelings, I'm here for all of them. And for now we'll take a deep breath and we're going to sign off this episode. So thank you, Mary Grace, for being here. Thanks for everyone for listening or watching, and I'll see you soon.

Amelia Hruby [53:30]: Thanks for listening to Off the Grid. Find links and resources in the show notes, and don't forget to grab your free Leaving Social Media Toolkit at softersounds.studio/byeig. That's softersounds.studio/byeig. This podcast is a Softer Sounds production and music is by Purple Planet and our logo was by N’Atelier. If you'd like to make a podcast of your own, we'd love to help. Learn more about our services at softersounds.studio. Until next time, we'll see you Off the Grid!